First and foremost, I would like to say sorry to those I replied with a very short text. I'm out of the mood as I just lost three kittens today. I don't even have a chance to name them. It is heartbreaking, I swear. Peah was giving birth to three kittens on 17th May, one dark grey and another two are white with black spots. They're so cute, I even wish that I will feed them milk when they reach one year old. I'm so excited to watch them growing up.
Anak-anak kucing tu tak bernasib baik sebab lahir dengan uri masih tersambung kat badan diorang. Peah tak makan pun uri anak-anak dia. What's worse, Peah tak jilat pun anak-anak dia yang baru lahir tu. I think she is too young until she doesn't know what to do. Peah pernah dua kali je susukan anak dia, lepastu dia keluar dari tempat yang ada anak-anak dia. Dah cuba letak Peah balik tempat ada anak-anak dia tu tapi Peah taknak. Just imagine, those kittens must be so hungry :'( Teringat sekali Peah susukan anak dia, Peah gerak jauh sikit dari anak-anak dia. Anak-anak dia yang still tak buka mata tu tercari-cari mak dia, nak susu tapi anak-anak dia terjilat-jilat paws Peah. I'll cry whenever I remember about this (dah nangis dah pun). This morning, I found that one of the kittens, the dark grey one have died. I silently cried really hard, like a fool that morning because I'm afraid another two kittens will die too. I just don't know what to do except pray, hope that Allah will protect and save those kittens.
Aku text kawan-kawan aku yang ada kucing, tanya macam mana nak tanggalkan uri anak kucing. I even googled, 'Cara tanggalkan uri anak kucing' 'Cara jaga anak kucing yang baru lahir'. Because I think, itu jelah benda yang aku mampu buat. Pagi tadi aku nak sangat tolong tanggalkan uri anak-anak kucing lagi dua ekor tu guna gunting but I'm not that strong to do that :'( Aku bukanlah berjiwa doktor yang boleh tengok atau buat benda-benda macam tu. I mean, I'm not that strong. Sebab kesian, tak sampai hati, geli satu hal. Aku ulang-alik keluar masuk rumah sebab nak check condition anak-anak kucing tu. But at last aku tertidur.
Unfortunately, I found the other two died in the evening. My mom buries the three kittens in our front yard. I couldn't feel more guilty than today. I feel so useless because I'm unable to help those kittens. I feel like I'm the one who let them being tortured as I do nothing about them. I don't put any efforts to save them. I should have fed them, I should have tried at least. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry that I couldn't do anything about it. Peah is so weak. Peah does nothing except stay away from her kittens and sit alone at one place for a long time like she can't accept the fact that she is having kittens. I'm not sure if Peah aware that she is giving birth. I afraid that Peah will die too because she is acting strangely since the day she was giving birth to that three kittens. She doesn't want to eat or even drink.
"Kucing aku pun dulu macam tu. Dia bawa diri jauh-jauh before pergi." - Masz
Peah is a good cat. I miss those moments when she was being so playful, slept on the prayer rug, on my bed, eating whiskers and ask for more. She is so cute and clever. I don't want her to leave just like the three kittens. I'm sorry for being a bad cat keeper :'(